With all the drama going on in the world today(elections, me encountering drunks at the post office while all I want to do is mail out my items, hurricanes destroying the South, hostages in Russia, tramplings in Ikea)life can get a little overwhelming. I was sent these jokes and for the moment they cheered me up. I hope they do the same for you.
A son is visiting his father from college. The father is putting food on plates to serve to his son for lunch. The son notices the plates are a bit dirty. He says to his father "Dad these plates don't really look too clean". The father replies "There as clean as coldwater can get them." The son does not reply not wanting to insult his father any longer. After lunch they go out to the barn and the son sees a new pet dog. The son asks his father what the dog's name is and his father replies "Coldwater."
Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she
has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the cheque.
Oh, by the way, don't worry about my Bull Dog, he won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
When the repair man arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day,
he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen.
But just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the
repairman go about his business. The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut
up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"